All Posts Tagged With: "getting along with your roommate"
The first 30
Our on-the-ground undergrad reports on his debut month
I consider myself something of an idealist. I’m reasonably conscious of the many problems in the world and of the effects my actions have on the planet and its inhabitants, and I try to act accordingly. Of course, I hope others will do the same, and perhaps I too easily apply my values when judging the actions and beliefs of other people, governments, corporations, etc. My idealism has also earned me regular reminders from friends and family to “take yourself less seriously.”
I’ve just begun my first year at the University of Toronto, and I’m aware that this is a time when values and personalities can be challenged, shifted and eventually—potentially—solidified. People tend to progress, maybe unconsciously, from idealism to pragmatism as they mature. Idealism becomes a sort of nostalgia: you remember “the good old days,” but are resigned to the fact that those days are decidedly in the past.
Even at the tender age of 18, I have noticed this shift in myself. The more I learn, the more complex things become. The more I realize the barriers that lie in the way of the more equitable, sustainable, logical world I idealize, the less likely it seems that my idealism stands a chance.
Most universities in Canada have become veritable degree-churning machines. A bachelor’s degree today is yesterday’s high school diploma. Six million Chinese graduate each year into an already saturated global job market. A desire to do good is often dismissed as naive or met with suspicion. All in all, there doesn’t seem to be much room left for idealism.
We’ll see what kind of shape mine is in after a month of university.
Touchdown
Aug. 30: If you’re moving to a new city for university, it’s a good idea to arrive a few days before school starts so you can have a chance to explore the area around your new home. Once the craziness of Frosh Week begins, followed immediately by your first classes, you’re not likely to venture far off campus, so familiarizing yourself with the neighbourhood can give you a head start on breaking the bubble that often develops in first year.
For me, coming from Vancouver, it gave me a chance to spend time with friends and family who already lived in Toronto and knew the city well. One of them took me to a drum circle, the likes of which I had never seen: hundreds of people gathered in a park in the middle of downtown Toronto, dancing to a beat you could hear from blocks away. It gave me an idea of the immense variety of things to do and see in this city, and I wouldn’t have had the chance to do such things had I come straight to school.
Through the rabbit hole
Sept. 3: Today was move-in day. After the initial “awkward lunch”—standing around for two hours meeting your fellow first-years and hearing the same questions over and over (“What’s your major? Where are you from?”), it was time to learn the requisite school cheers, glorifying ourselves and putting down everyone else. It’s curious how people always feel this need to distinguish themselves within a group, even as they dismiss it as just a fun tradition.
How NOT to live with a roommate
“Sexiled?” Really? University students should grow up
While perusing GoogleReader, my daily procrastination destination, I found this Globe and Mail piece. Here’s an excerpt:
Rachel Fahlman was puzzled when she stumbled upon students camping out on a battered couch in the TV lounge of her Carleton University dorm. They had, after all, paid thousands of dollars to rent a room for the year.
It turned out they’d been sexiled: forced to find another place to spend the night while their roommates had sex in their shared room.
Oh the joys of having a roommate. Who can forget that special person you were forced to live with – oops – enjoyed sharing a room with during first year? No matter how many times you hear the whole shpiel about the rewards, the friendships, the late-night girl chats, it doesn’t change the fact that sharing a room is a tricky skill – but it’s definitely a life lesson worth learning.
At King’s, the residence matching system involves the usual lifestyle habits (Do you go to bed early or late? Do you listen to music while you study?) and a paragraph to personalize your application. When they matched my roommate and me, somehow they managed to put two people so incredibly alike together, it was ridiculous. We had similar figures of speech and mannerisms. My friends found the match remarkable.
Despite all of this, my roommate experience was far from perfect. My main issue? There was always another person in my space.
It’s awkward to suddenly have to share your space. With so many of us coming from homes where we had our own room, it’s a skill we just don’t have. It sticks us outside our comfort space – and that’s why it’s so great. I learned to communicate. I learned to compromise. I learned my own personal limits. For example: I need my space. But sometimes you don’t always get what you want, and if you do, it’s because you work for it.
Here is my disclaimer, however; I love my ex-roommate. She’s a lovely person, really fun and funny, caring and loyal, exactly the kind of person you want on your side. I only wish we’d been in the same classes and not in the same dorm room. I know for sure I wasn’t always easy to get along with.
But despite my issues, my roommate and I, from the start, negotiated what each of us needed. We were understanding when hearing requests and reasonable when making them. It is perfectly reasonable to ask a roommate for some time alone in the room – for any reason, not just sexile – but it is not reasonable to take it by force. Sorry. Also unreasonable? Sex while your roommate is IN THE ROOM. I hope everyone reading that is cringing and saying “What?” and “Who would DO that?” out loud.
Ms. Fahlman, the floor’s residence fellow, said the lucky ones had been given the heads-up by their roommates that they’d be kicked out. The less fortunate had been subjected to the moans, groans and twin-mattress squeaks while they lay in horror a few metres away.
EW. EW. Once more – EW.
Who does that? Who thinks that it is reasonable to do that? Thank you Roommate, for never doing that to me. Thank your for having respect for me and some common sense.
According to the G&M article, in the U.S. there has been actual administrative moves toward dealing with roommates and sex. Roommate contracts and residence guidelines include rules against sex while a roommate is present. Rules like this are frankly, upsetting. If my university spelled that out for me, I would feel patronised – this is a stupid kind of common sense and reason rule that we can figure out ourselves, as adults.
Make your own reasonable, respectful rules, or you’ll have them imposed on you by residence administrators. They are not your parents, and they don’t want to be. Don’t act like a child. That’s what it comes down to. You’re in university – grow up.
