All Posts Tagged With: "chemistry"
How to get out of a chemistry exam: kill off a distant relative
Even in uni, I’ll still need a signed note from my parents to skip class
One of the biggest differences between high school and university is the death of permission forms.
Back in high school, if a teacher wanted to take their class on a field trip to the downstairs broom closet, everyone’s parents had to sign a permission form first. Usually along the lines of, “If my child sprains their ankle, breaks their arm, has their feelings hurt, or sustains an injury to their epidermal layer after excessive scratching of their nose, I promise not to sue the school board.”
But in university? If one of my professors wanted to take the class on a field trip to the rim of an active volcano, where poisonous sulfur dioxide gases and carbon monoxide fumes had genetically mutated nearby animal life into vicious raptors, there wouldn’t be any need for permissions forms.
Mind you, if we were accompanied by a group of archaeologists, a couple of vulnerable children, and a disposable crew member or two, we wouldn’t be on a field trip anymore. We’d be in Jurassic Park 4.
After the Great Permission Form Extinction of Post Secondary School, I figured that university students would never have to ask their parents to sign a piece of paper again. But after reading through my chemistry class’s course information booklet, I realized that I was completely wrong. Attending the funeral of a family member is one of the valid reasons for missing a term test. But first, students have to provide a note from their parents.
This seems wrong on so many levels. One of the things that I’ve been enjoying the most about university is the fact that everyone seems to treat students with the same level of respect that they’d give an adult. Suddenly requiring a signed note from someone’s parents kind of seems like a step back towards high school.
Not to mention, if someone is actually willing to tempt fate and pretend that a family member has died, asking their roommate to forge a note probably wouldn’t nag their conscience too much.
Buck naked in my chemistry class
The only thing worse than setting my hair on fire
Getting your hair set on fire isn’t the worse thing that can happen to you in my chemistry lab.
My chemistry class has a separate, optional lab component. It’s basically an excuse use to words like, “Titration analysis,” while wearing a cool white lab coat. But before the Chemistry Department entrusts students with chemicals, open flames and acid (sometimes all at once), the laboratory instructor has to go over safety procedures, which includes a discussion of accidents from previous years. Getting your hair set on fire is bad enough. Your lab partner setting your hair on fire, with neither of you noticing for a few minutes, is even worse. Either way, I think the person’s ponytail was morphed into a goat tail by the time anyone noticed.
The laboratory instructor then outlined the emergency protocols if someone spills potentially dangerous chemicals on his or herself.
If you spill something on yourself, you have to — get this — strip completely naked and stand under the emergency shower. After all, what could be worse than getting third degree acid burns all over your body from concentrated hydrochloric acid, right?
I spent a couple of minutes trying to locate the shower stall until it finally dawned on me: there isn’t one. The “emergency shower” is a little shower head. Without any walls. In the middle of the laboratory.
University textbooks: untouched by public-school hands
And surprisingly well-written
Describing a school textbook as “well written” would have seemed bizarre back in high school. Kind of like saying that the instructions on the back of a tile cleaner has a thrilling narrative. Maybe it’s just the new sense of ownership, but all of my university textbooks are actually really interesting.
Sure, I didn’t exactly spend the last few weeks of my summer vacation exploring my chemistry textbook. And I’m not claiming I’d ever buy any of these really expensive books if I didn’t have to. I can think of way more “interesting’” books to buy if I somehow found myself in Chapters with $1,400+ to spend. But unlike any textbook from high school, my political sciences textbook, as one example, is surprisingly well-written.
One chapter outlined the differences between studying political history and studying scientific history. The author explained how, when a new discovery is made in science, it obliterates everything that came before it. When scientific history is taught, it’s basically along the lines of, “People in the 16th century thought is was possible to transform lead into gold. Isn’t that cute?” The author argued that politics, on the other hand, is a continuing conversation. When someone has a new idea, unlike in science, it’s just a contribution to the conversation.
Never mind the fact that university textbooks seem more interesting than high school textbooks. After more than 12 years of public school, I learned to equate “textbook” with “public bathroom.” As in, they’re both usually covered in graffiti. And could use a good hosing. But now that I’m in university, I suddenly own my textbooks.
Meaning, for the first time ever, there aren’t any skeletal remains of a muffin or cookie in the spines of my books.
