How to avoid stressing out over your kids’ apps

Be sure to emphasize that money spent on late fees for missed deadlines is money that won’t be available for other family expenses, Carr said.

And don’t forget that filling out the financial aid forms is your job.

By now, university-and college-bound students should have all their letters of recommendation lined up, but if some are missing, “your child is going to have to nag the teacher,” Carr said.

You might suggest that your child compile some notes the teacher can refer to in writing the letter. Was there a project the student took a leadership role on, or a challenging assignment that earned a high grade, or a topic your child absolutely loved learning about? Providing information like that could make it much easier for a busy instructor or guidance counsellor to complete the missing reference letter.

But what if your teenager resists your efforts to help? Should you back off or go into overdrive with a kid who skips a test or just won’t finish that 500-word essay?

“Personally I wouldn’t back off but I don’t think you can nag either,” she said. “Open as many doors as you can and let them walk through the door. You come up with a plan and the child either follows the plan or they don’t. You can’t write the essay for them.”

Some students are secretive about essays and other aspects of the application process. If your child doesn’t want you to see what he’s written, encourage him to meet with a teacher, a counsellor or some other adult who can provide feedback and make sure all spelling and grammar errors have been caught.

Carr also made an observation that will ring true for many of today’s parents: Constant distraction from text messages, electronic devices and the Internet makes it hard for teenagers to complete tasks that require hours of sustained attention – like filling out university applications.

“This generation needs a lot of help with life skills. They can triple up on tasks, but they can’t stay focused,” she said. “They’re the smartest kids ever, but in some ways, they’re the saddest kids ever.”

Parents can help, not only by dividing the university app process down into small parts, but also by providing perspective.

“There are over 4,000 colleges out there, and it’s going to be OK,” Carr said.

- The Canadian Press